What to do when your little one no longer wants you to brush his teeth and gums! A concerned parent emailed me recently about her toddler:
My only child... is 19 months old now and has recently begun resisting getting his teeth brushed.... He used to put the brush in his mouth on his own at first, then I'd brush his teeth before we were "done". Now he doesn't want to hold the brush and will turn his head, push his tongue out, and press his lips down. I try making funny sounds (he'll laugh and open his mouth but it's short lived) or finally pin him down and get it done.... Am wondering if you have any thoughts about my only child.
Here's what I did when my son started to resist getting his teeth and gums brushed, I stopped. I wanted him to LOVE brushing teeth... not hate it!
My husband was oh-so-concerned about this decision. But I felt like pushing the issue (of cleaning his teeth) could turn my son off to the whole ideal of brushing his teeth forever and ever and ever, and then where would we be? In the dentist office with problems galore!
So I let him do it himself, I gave him fun flavors of toothpaste including non-fluoride. I had a score of toothbrushes to hand him after each mealtime... but I did not interfere. Over time my son began to LOVE brushing his teeth! It was his job, not mine, even though he was not actually brushing his teeth but sucking and chewing on the toothbrush.
I chose to fight OTHER battles instead, like keeping my son's glasses on! I felt like that was more important at the time. (He's been wearing glasses since he was six months old; and not until age four did he finally give up the fight and keep his darn glasses on all the time.)
So what's happening with teeth brushing now that he's 4 1/2? He lets me brush his teeth, once a day, at bedtime. And it's not a battle! (It helps that I count to twenty and that he loves numbers.)
He still does it himself, and he still loves it, so much so that lately he's been sneaking into the bathroom to... No, not flush the potty over and over. No, not pull all the paper off the toilet paper roll. No, not dump the trash on the floor. He sneaks in there to brush his teeth when no one's watching!
As parents, we have to decide which battles to fight. I chose not to fight this one. It took a few years of letting go, however, but I was confident we would both win in the end!
Footnote: our dentist appointments were very helpful! Our son did not have any issues with his gums or his teeth. However, I knew there would come a day when the dentist would tell me to get in there and brush my son's teeth, I put off that day for a long time. And now it is not an issue.
So what's the moral of the story? Give up a battle today to win a war tomorrow (and check in with your child's dentist!).
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Does your child resist getting his or her teeth brushed? Leave a comment!
Tuesday
The Battle of the Toothbrush!
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11 comments:
Bravo!
We have a somewhat similar attitude about it over here. At our house I always say "good oral hygiene is a privilege," little boys who act up at bedtime don't get to brush or read a book. It was funny how much the idea of maybe NOT getting to do it made them super excited about it. It is also funny to hear a 2.5 yo in their crib moaning "I didn't get to brush my teeth...." Sometimes when one has been resisting getting ready for bed becomes really really repentant about halfway through when they realize they might lose privileges I'll cave and let them pick ONE, either teeth brushing or book reading and 90% of the time they pick the teeth brushing.
I know some of my "mom friends" have had trouble with their child not letting the mom have a turn with the toothbrush after the child is done brushing. I never had that problem, but I did it in the opposite order. From the first day I always let the boys have a turn only after I've had my turn. If they refused to open wide enough or anything I always had the option then to say "open wide or you don't get a turn" and if that doesn't work I can always default to "good oral hygiene is a privilege" and we are DONE For the day.
I've been using this method every day without fail for 2.5 years and I still have two little boys who run excitedly shouting "me!" whenever I say "who wants to brush their teeth?" I mention this just so you know I've tried it long term, it's not just a gimmick that worked for a week or something.
Last week I added a new addition to our bathroom counter - an hour glass timer (stolen from a board game). My kids are older and so they have loved the concept of flipping over the hour glass. My just-5-year old even requests that I brush his teeth for longer if I finish before all the sand runs out!
YES, he does! He 2 so everything is a battle these days. He used to love it but not so much anymore. I'm taking a page from you and we will see how it goes.
I love, love, love your blog by the way.
Hi Lisa!
I couldn't find your email address so I thought that I would write you here... I am planning on homeschooling my (what will be 1st grader in Sept.) daughter who has been in a 1/2 day montessori prog. this year. I am looking at integrating montessori lang. arts and math 1 for lower elementary. My problem is that all of the manipultives are SO expensive-- they will cost me upwards of $700! I really want to continue this approach as it has been wonderful for my daughter (especially with her progress in math!), however the manipulative cost is WAY out of my budget. Any suggestions?
Hi Di!
I tried to reply to your comment email but there was no email address! You can contact me here: http://www.montessorifortheearth.com/contact.html
I have some suggestions for you!
LN
I like the idea of the sand glass timer. It worked with many such things before. So I'll give it a try. Best of luck- Dita
Just curious?
Are you modleing and brushing your teeth in front of your child? Children love to mymic thier parents. It's part of the Montessori princple of belonging....
"good oral hygiene is a privilege" -
As a trained Montessorian, that abstract concept for a 3-4-5 year old is way over their head. They are not at the reasoning mind yet. What kinds of things do you have for the child to make it easy to do for themselves? Do you offer a stepper to get up on their own, do you always have to assist them to do the teeth brushing? Never ever use "reading" books as a punishment or rewards to entice a child to modify their behavior, that is one of the big no-no's of the Montessori Principles. When ever a child is "acting up", ask your self two questions, is the environment set up for them to independently, and what have you done your self to assist the child to independently do the activity?
Just some thoughts.
When my kids are small and don't like having their teeth brushed, I say to them in an excited voice, "OH! Let's get the bunnies out of your teeth!" They smile and open their mouth as I gas and say, "OH! I see one! Hey! Bunnies, get out of Oscar's mouth! Hey! (switch sides) Stop jumping around! Get out of there!" They giggle and giggle and love it. Then, I let them brush for awhile and get more bunnies and they don't want to stop. :)
Try using some products with a high level of xylitol in them. We use some of the Epic brand and the Spry Infant Tooth Gel. They sell a special pacifier that releases the gel, but we've never used that. Our son rinses with the Epic mouthwash often, which really helps. We feel like we're covering the bases even with awkward brushing at this point.
Xylitol: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xylitol
Tonight was our first "easy" night of teeth brushing! I usually let my 2 year old do it herself, and make up for it by doing it myself about once a week. Tonight I tried a different approach ... I asked her if she'd like to go upstairs and "brush Aurora's teeth and her teeth before we go to bed." (Aurora is her Sleeping Beauty doll) Molly was thrilled to get to brush her doll's teeth! I gave her a dry toothbrush so she could do the doll's teeth, while I brushed hers! She "finished up" her own teeth when I was done and it was definitely a moment in the win column!
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