Enrichment Programs for Tots?

Are you are creating the right social opportunities for your tot? And is playing at the park enough? Or should you enroll your toddler in some enrichment programs?

One mom posed the question this way:

So many of my friends here think that getting their kids into social groups, where they have "circle time" and learn to play together, etc., is really important. I'm starting to wonder if my son would be missing out if his only social interaction is at the park.

People [here] are crazy about all sorts of "enrichment" programs and classes for babies and toddlers, and while I think the enrichment idea is hogwash, we have joined some weekly classes merely for the opportunity to meet other moms and babies.

However, most of our friends are now entering half-day playgroups or nursery schools, which means they aren't as available for playdates at the park, etc.

I'm looking for advice on the social needs of kids under two. How important is it that he be in structured social situations vs. mostly at home with me with some social free play?


So many parents face these types of decisions! I myself have, but for different reasons: I wanted to socialize my child as early as ten months old--for myself! I needed to be out of the house and meet other moms! It was wonderful (for me!). I joined two mother's clubs and did the playgroups and the mother's club events and the local parks, and looking back it was the best thing I did--for myself. (I am still friends with many of those moms!)

When my son was 18 months old he started a local daycare called Early Headstart. This decision was for my son who was born with Down syndrome: he had no siblings and I knew he needed to be around other children to aid in his development--within six weeks of going to this daycare he started walking.

When he turned three he left the program (which only went to age three) and started a Montessori toddler program two or three mornings a week. He also went to an in-home daycare so I could work at home and so he could be around other children: my son is very social! He needs to be around other children!

What about your tot?

Tots can be fine at home, and they can be fine in a daycare: your tot will not be smarter for going to daycare, necessarily, or less smart for not being in a daycare program. But it should not be about raising the next Mozart or Picasso! Did they go to daycare or enrichment programs when they were infants? Would it have mattered?

As for the toddler year (age 24-36 months), being in a daycare can help your toddler learn basic social skills and school routines (having snack in a group, sitting in a circle for songs and stories, learning to take turns, etc.).

And not all toddlers have to go to a daycare program, many moms keep their toddler at home one more year (and then decide on preschool). This can be for financial reasons or because the toddler is happy at home (and so is the mom!).

How important is it that your tot be in structured social situations vs. mostly at home with you with some social free play? That depends on you and what makes you happy and sane!

Some children do fine at home and the moms are happy! Other moms are miserable and need that time away from their children; and or the mom discovers her child would be happier in a daycare setting part time. Each situation is different! But again, it should not depend on the need for "enrichment."

Notice how I hardly mentioned Montessori? That is secondary, secondary to your happiness as a mom, and your tot's happiness!

If you think you would be happy (and sane) keeping your tot at home, and your tot is happy and content being home alone with you, knowing you will have more of a challenge connecting with other moms and children, than keep your tot home.

But if you feel you need some time for yourself and a break from your tot (some tots are easy, others are a HANDFUL--like mine was--OH BOY!) and or if you think your tot would be happy (or happier) around other tots, and or you really need to stay connected with other moms and the only way to do it is to enroll your tot in daycare, then give it a try two or three half days a week.

Some of the best children we had in our Montessori preschool were those who never went to a daycare! So don't let that be the ONLY reason!

What do you think? Make a comment!

LN

Comments on "Can You Give a Toddler a Lesson"

I loved the following email comment I got recently regarding "Can You Give a Toddler a Lesson," and wanted to share it with you (along with other comments I've received on what appears to be my most popular blog post):

I am a Certified Infant and Toddler Montessori educator in Lincoln, Maine and this age group is a true test to Montessori philosophy when Maria Montessori said, "Wait while observing. That is the motto of the Montessori educator."

We as Montessori educators are here as observers and guides only. It is the children who are our teachers. I leave my toddler Montessori materials out always and they are very drawn to the materials and at that time when I see the interest do I attempt to make a very quick lesson introduction, like the knobbed cylinders. If you set up discouraging materials that are not appropriate, you will almost see them stay away from the whole shelf. I can probably count the number of times on my hand I have successfully given a three period lesson with a child under three but, oh my gosh what a "Montessori Moment" when it does happen.

Sincerely,

K. N.
Building Blocks Montessori
Lincoln, Maine

I realise this is an old post but it is 'the missing link' for me with Montessori - I have never tried lessons with her because it seems insane - she learns by imitation and by doing things herself - but sitting down and watching - no way! And your post about mats was helpful too - thanks--Gypsy

Ah, confirmation! I am a homeschooling mom that has been reading everything I can get my hands Montessori related. I have simply provided an ordered environment and I rotate work/activites that my just 2yo can do himself. Every once in a while the opportunity for a lesson presents itself but nothing steady yet. Thank you for the confirmation that this is normal toddler behavior. I love your blog!--Theresa, hs mom of 4


Do you have a comment to share about trying to give your toddler a lesson? Please share it!

The Battle of the Toothbrush!

What to do when your little one no longer wants you to brush his teeth and gums! A concerned parent emailed me recently about her toddler:

My only child... is 19 months old now and has recently begun resisting getting his teeth brushed.... He used to put the brush in his mouth on his own at first, then I'd brush his teeth before we were "done". Now he doesn't want to hold the brush and will turn his head, push his tongue out, and press his lips down. I try making funny sounds (he'll laugh and open his mouth but it's short lived) or finally pin him down and get it done.... Am wondering if you have any thoughts about my only child.

Here's what I did when my son started to resist getting his teeth and gums brushed, I stopped. I wanted him to LOVE brushing teeth... not hate it!

My husband was oh-so-concerned about this decision. But I felt like pushing the issue (of cleaning his teeth) could turn my son off to the whole ideal of brushing his teeth forever and ever and ever, and then where would we be? In the dentist office with problems galore!

So I let him do it himself, I gave him fun flavors of toothpaste including non-fluoride. I had a score of toothbrushes to hand him after each mealtime... but I did not interfere. Over time my son began to LOVE brushing his teeth! It was his job, not mine, even though he was not actually brushing his teeth but sucking and chewing on the toothbrush.

I chose to fight OTHER battles instead, like keeping my son's glasses on! I felt like that was more important at the time. (He's been wearing glasses since he was six months old; and not until age four did he finally give up the fight and keep his darn glasses on all the time.)

So what's happening with teeth brushing now that he's 4 1/2? He lets me brush his teeth, once a day, at bedtime. And it's not a battle! (It helps that I count to twenty and that he loves numbers.)

He still does it himself, and he still loves it, so much so that lately he's been sneaking into the bathroom to... No, not flush the potty over and over. No, not pull all the paper off the toilet paper roll. No, not dump the trash on the floor. He sneaks in there to brush his teeth when no one's watching!

As parents, we have to decide which battles to fight. I chose not to fight this one. It took a few years of letting go, however, but I was confident we would both win in the end!

Footnote: our dentist appointments were very helpful! Our son did not have any issues with his gums or his teeth. However, I knew there would come a day when the dentist would tell me to get in there and brush my son's teeth, I put off that day for a long time. And now it is not an issue.

So what's the moral of the story? Give up a battle today to win a war tomorrow (and check in with your child's dentist!).

*** *** *** ***

Does your child resist getting his or her teeth brushed? Leave a comment!

T'was the night before Mothers Day, when all through the house...

T'was the night before Mothers Day, when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a--oh, wait there is a child stirring, she wants water, again! (She spilled the first cup...)

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that someone would fold them and put them away where they belong, they've been hanging there a week!

The children were nestled all snug in their beds, (except the child who just spilled her second cup of water!) while visions of sugar-free plums danced in their heads.

And Papa in his cap, and I in my 'kerchief, had just settled our brains for a long winter's... (What rhymes with 'kerchief?)

When out on the roof there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. (And tripped over a toy truck left on the floor--must I always put the toys away?)

Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutter, and threw up the sash. This sash is dirty! That reminds me, I have to do the laundry in the morning.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow gave the lustre of midday to objects below, when, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.

What? A miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer? Am I seeing things--again? I MUST BE SLEEP DEPRIVED! I have GOT to get some rest!

"Happy Mother's Day to all, and to all a good night!"

My child won't take a lesson!

Recently I got an email from a mom of a young three year old in Asia who won't let the mom give lessons. (Usually I get these emails from moms of toddlers!) Alas, I have the same issue with my son (and he's older than three!). Some kids will never take instruction (well) from a parent! What to do?!

Try instead to interact with your child during other times, like when he or she is taking a bath, looking at books with you, getting dressed, or sitting down and eating. (I think this is called having a captive audience!) Count the pieces of food while you put them in the dish: count ten grapes or ten crackers; or introduce colors to your children while eating: "This is a red place mat, this is a yellow cup. Can you say red? Can you say yellow." Then the next day, point to the red place mat and ask her "Is this red or yellow?" And a few days later, ask her "What color is the place mat? What color is the cup?" This is a three-period lesson given over several days.

I did this all the time with my son who has Down syndrome, and by age three he knew all his primary colors and he knew them in sign language! All from interacting with him at meal time, bath time, getting dressed, looking at books.. and not through a sit-down-at-a-table-or-a-rug lesson!

So what I'm trying to say is you have to be creative and find other ways to "teach" your child without sitting down and giving lessons (for now).

It is harder for moms to give their children lessons because the young child wants to be in control of his or her actions and does not want mom to interfere! And if you are a type of person who needs to have control, your child is teaching you to let go of some of that control.

But I feel for all you moms who have trouble giving lessons to their youngsters, my son does not let me give lessons or help him do much of anything! I have to be very creative! It keeps us moms on our toes to be sure!

How do you give your hard-to-teach child lessons? Leave a comment!

Should Your Child Continue On In Montessori?

I receive email from time-to-time from parents who question whether or not they should keep their child in Montessori school, especially if the child is five, because the question becomes whether the child should stay in Montessori for their Kindergarten year, or enroll in a public school or non-Montessori private school, enter a Waldorf school, or stay home and be homeschooled. It is a big decision! The following is an email from such a mom:

My almost five year old is finishing his second year at a montessori school, and though we love it, I am not sure their approach is what is best for him. He has been building the same words for the past six months [Movable Alphabet] and generally is not motivated to do new harder things because he isn't good at it. He gets the greatest satisfaction out of easier work. The teachers try to get him working on more serious stuff, but it he generally seems bored at school and tells me he doesn't want to go because it's boring. I know that montessori likes everyone to move at their own pace, but he is telling me he is bored and I know that he is not getting the push that he needs to keep things challenging for him.

In a nutshell, this mom was wondering if she should take her child out of the Montessori school and was asking for my opinion on her son's current situation...

Learning to read: In Montessori's view there are two sensitive periods for reading: one at age five and another one at age eight. However, not all children have an interest and a hunger to read at age five--to get them to reading is like pulling teeth! Instead, they show an interest around age eight. (Waldorf begins reading lessons at age eight, but not before.)

So it may be that this mom's five year old son is not interested in reading, or getting to reading, and it may not come until age eight. The problem now is if he is pushed too hard to read, at age five, it may turn him off altogether to reading so that by age eight he just hates it--then you really have issues.

It may be that he is more interested in numbers and counting and math, or social interaction, or geography, or plants and animals.

So I do not think pushing him in reading or pre-reading is an answer, at school or at home. And there are plenty of other areas of the classroom that he can work in.

What you want more than anything is for your child to love learning, and if he is not loving learning, ask yourself what changes you need to make to get him on that path. Sometimes it is a different teacher! But we don't always have control over that. Maybe you are the answer and homeschooling is more appropriate. But make your number one goal to teach your child to love learning, not to teach him to learn how to read or build longer words. And a good, experienced Montessori teacher will know and understand this, even if it recommends that the child not continue in Montessori.

I recently had to make the heart-breaking decision (for me) to take my son out of his Montessori school and place him in a special needs class, a decision I did not make lightly! But I knew that most importantly, I want him to love learning, to love school, even if it means not sending him to Montessori.

Potty Training Boys

My son E. is 26 months and has been wearing underwear for about a week during the day (cloth diaper at night). For the first day or two, he'd make it to the potty about half the time.... But after those first few days any suggestion of the potty upset him very much. So, I stopped mentioning the potty, thinking he is still learning about his body.... The past few days he has not attempted to go to the potty at all, just has accidents all day.

Should I be doing something else? If so, what? Should I try to get him to help clean up? If so, how? Have I missed his window of opportunity?

Oh! The joys of potty training! Boys? Oh boy!

Boys (when they potty train or potty learn) act just as you described! They are fickle! What to do?

Here's what NOT to do (I find that much more helpful sometimes):

1. Don't show emotions when your child has accidents or refuses to try to go in the potty, just be matter-of-fact.

2. Don't expect the child to clean up accidents, you can invite them to help you, but at age 26 months they might not have the attention span or enough practical life experience (with wiping and cleaning) as they are still in a gross motor stage of development.

3. Don't be in a hurry to change them when they are wet... and exercise their "patience muscle". For example, your son comes to you wet and wants to get changed, say, "OK!" and wait a few minutes. He'll ask again, say, "OK!" and slowly get his change of clothes together... in other words part of potty training is letting the child feel wet; and part of having a toddler is teaching him to wait. Now is your chance!

4. Don't expect boys to be fully potty trained until age three (although at 26 months you have any early start).

5. Don't go back to diapers/pull-ups if you can help it! This just prolongs the potty training process and you end up starting all over again.

6. Don't expect independence, you have a toddler, some days he will refuse your help, other days he will cry for your help! It is a between stage of development (and a frustrating stage for them).

OK, here are some dos:

1. Remind your tot to go to the potty upon waking, before or after eating, before playing outside, before bedtime. Reminding is the best helper for potty training!

2. Allow your tot to experiment with dressing and undressing by leaving clothes in his room in a clothes hamper or basket.

3. Start stocking up on elastic waste pants (no more pants with zippers or snaps!).

4. Give hugs and kisses when he goes in the potty (in our classroom we used to sing a potty song!).

5. If you allow DVDs, show potty DVDs like Potty Time and Potty Power.

6. Start buying a few potty board books to read at bedtime.

And if it makes you feel any better, my son, who is 4 1/2, started this process at 2 1/2! But it takes Down syndrome several years to fully potty train (sometimes not until age 7 or 8!).

Lately, what works for my son (and it was suggested by a behavioral specialist)is to ask our son to go on the potty before we allow him a favorite activity--like eating or playing outside.

So when my son wants breakfast or a snack, etc., I ask him to sit on his potty (and offer him a special sticker afterwards--not a Montessori approach to be sure--no rewards no punishments! but I am a mom after all and a little desperate to get my 4 1/2 year old on the potty train--and for him to stay on it!).

He happily goes in his little potty now, then empties the contents in the big potty and flushes (this he loves more than the stickers he gets!). By the way I never showed him to pour out the pee! (And yes, it sometimes gets on the floor and all around, but if pouring gets him to go potty then so-be-it! Follow the child, right!)

One last potty tip, I promise!

A mom (the same mom who asked the question at the top of this post) e-mailed me a week later to say she and her husband found a great solution (from where I know not!): they allowed their son to put food coloring mixed with water into his potty before he used it (a Montessori pouring work!) and after he went he looked into his potty to see what happened to the color ("Yellow and red makes orange!"). I loved this tip and could not wait to blog about it!

So moms-to-boys, hang in there! And go out and buy some food coloring (and maybe a few stickers)!

What tips can you offer for potty training? Leave your comment!

My son's Montessori dressing corner

Are you thinking of making a Montessori dressing corner for your child/ren? Here is what we do at my house! In one corner of my son's room there is a bench for sitting and dressing and undressing and putting on and taking off shoes; a wicker shelf for placing clothes, shoes, and comb; a coat rack for jackets and bath towels; and a wicker basket for dirty clothes.

We do our best to keep it tidy, with a little extra help from mom (who folds the clothes until my son can learn how, and puts out-of-season jackets and shoes in the closet).

A few rules for this area are:
*No standing on the bench, too dangerous (believe me, he's done it!).
*Hangers are for hanging, not stacking or placing on the cat!
*Muddy wet boots (and shoes) go in a plastic bucket.
*Dirty clothes go in the clothes basket, clean clothes and PJ's go on the shelves (actually, most of his clean clothes are in the linen closet which he is not quite ready to access...).
*If he makes a big mess, he needs to clean it up before he plays outside, eats snack, or watches a video... and I sit in the room and help him using a neutral, mild mannered tone of voice.
*I keep the number of items to a minimum so my son does not have too much "stuff" around.

So pick a corner of your child's room and place a bench or stool or chair or pillow, coat rack, basket, and low shelves, and keep it simple!

Leave a comment about your child's dressing area, or lack there of!

Are You Feeling Overwhelmed?

I get emails from many homeschool moms who are using Montessori at home and feel very overwhelmed and lost, and or don't know where to begin:

"I feel behind the power curve and completely lost. I don’t know where to start and how to get a handle on how to structure a day with my twin boys..."

"I am not a great structured/organized person, yet I like how montessori does give a lot of freedom. Anyway, just wanting any advice you can give me in starting out..."

"I thought homeschooling [my children] and giving them good education and our love will be the best I can give them, but I am so overwelemed, I don't think I can figure it out all on my own..."

Montessori homeschooling is a big commitment! It can feel overwhelming, but you are not alone! I'm an overwhelmed mom and I only have one boy! (The Montessori is the easy part, for me... it's getting my son into his car seat with his back arched that's hard--is it made of steel?) And who has time for all of it? Making materials, getting organized, following through... I won't lie and say it is easy! But many moms (and a few dads) are doing it!

And now more than ever there are a lot more resources and online Montessori materials and activities, as well as online help with Yahoo groups!

Here are a few suggestions if you are feeling overwhelmed and don't know how to begin:

Do it slowly over time. Don't try to do it all "overnight" or make everything all at once. Do what you can when you can. It's a learning process and you gather knowledge as you go.

Start with your environment--this can take several weeks and months! And it includes adding activities that you can first make at home, then keep adding activities as you have time to make them and money to buy them. During this time (and before you begin homeschooling) read as much as you can about Montessori, and continue your online research. As for a schedule, you can think about that after you get your home environment ready.

You want to teach love for learning more than anything! And it starts with you. Your children have many, many years to learn academics, but what will help them the most is a love for learning!

Please leave your comments!

Telling Stories Can Help Deal With With Your Child's Issues at Home

"Once upon a time..."

One of the best ways to help your child deal with issues that arise on a day-to-day basis is to address them through telling stories through children's books, storytelling, puppet shows, finger puppets, and or felt story boards.

Each story needs to have these three elements: the characters in the story are similar to the people in your family, the story has a conflict (the issue), and it ends with a "life lesson."

Let's take the issue of having a child who is a perfectionist (my director was one of these types!). There are pros and cons or drawbacks. One pro is the beautiful work that they do, or art that they make (and perhaps it is the perfectionist who becomes a brain surgeon?!). One common drawback is how upset the child gets when they make a mistake, or when their project does not come out perfectly.

Your goal with telling a story is to help your child deal with drawbacks and offer an alternative (to getting so frustrated).

We used this storytelling method of dealing with issues at puppet showtime. The teacher would choose an issue of the day, so to speak, like a child coming to school and crying when the mom left (a common issue in preschool). And she would resolve the issue in the puppet show. "When the little girl came to school she said goodbye to her mommy and went to get the crayons and drew a picture for her mommy to make her feel better. She knew she would have fun at school and that is was OK to miss her mommy because she loved her so much."

At home, it is usually bedtime when stories are read. This is an ideal time for you to make up your own issue-solving story. You can use two puppets to tell the story, or a felt story board, or just use your own voice.

For story ideas try the following book: Healing Stories for Challenging Behaviour